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Prompt lost – something akin to “Aliens come to Earth and ask to speak to the ‘dominant life-form’ – but to human’s surprise that is not humanity.”


The Dominant Species

“I’m sorry, there must be a mistake. We are the dominant species on the planet. Humans. Homo Sapiens? Humanity?”

The President, his coif bobbing in a stiff breeze, turned toward his science advisor angrily and held up the supposed translation device. “Is this thing working? I feel like this thing isn’t working.”

But the aliens, tall, thin and stoic within their insulated, floating crystal chambers, just repeated themselves. “We understand you are humans. We seek the dominant species on Earth.”

The President was confused, which wasn’t so abnormal, but this time his science advisor was also confused, which, boded poorly for the whole situation.

“Would somebody please tell me what the skinny asshole in the tube is talking about?” The President yelled skinny asshole loud enough for the aliens to hear, so his advisor stepped in with an arm around The President’s shoulder and walked him away, mouthing an “I’m sorry” towards the first species to visit the planet Earth.

“Somebody tell me what ‘dominant’ means! I’m thinking dominant – like sexually dominant, physically dominant. Is that right? I looked it up in Websters before this meeting!”

The science team left an intern behind to console the President while the adults discussed the dire implications of the Alien’s comments.

“I have to say,” said the Chief Science Officer, “for once I agree with the President – If they don’t mean us, then who the hell are they talking about?”

The Chief Astro-Biologist just shrugged, “I have no idea. But whatever it is, I hope we’ve been treating it well.”

The science team looked back at the aliens in trepidation, and then astonishment. The entire alien entourage had walked headlong into a nearby forest and now stood huddled together by the side of a tree.

“What are they doing?”

“I have no idea.” The CSO replied, running over to where the aliens were standing.

As he got close to the aliens, one of their number turned around and blocked the CSOs forward movement. “I am sorry human,” the alien’s translator spoke mechanically, “but this is official state business.”

The CSO made to complain when he saw what the aliens were talking to.

Popping out of the dirt in front of them, immobile and soundless, was a large floret of fresh fungi. The aliens were talking to it in hushed tones. The CSO leaned in to try to hear, but was ushered away so the fully evolved species could talk.


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