[Writing Prompt] When God recorded his proposed height measurements for humans, he had accidentally written “2m” instead of “2mm”. This presents a laundry list of problems when they reach heaven.
A Heavenly Miscalculation
“Welcome! Come, come, welcome to Heaven!”
A very, extraordinarily small man can be heard through a speaker system as the next group of lucky souls arrive at the pearly gate. From St. Peter’s perspective the gate is positively gargantuan, larger than several skyscrapers, wider than a football field. It’s crystalline arches and effervescent mythril structures glow with the glory and genius of God.
To the group of newly arrived humans the gate comes up to about knee height and is barely wide enough for one person to pass through. The funnily small gate opens as St.Peter urges them forward.
“Welcome! No need to hesitate, you really are in heaven now! Congratulations! Please step through single file.”
The lead soul walks through the gates awkwardly, followed by the other souls, each worried this might be a trick of some kind. The moment they enter Heaven proper the gates shuts behind them.
All around is fluffy white cloud as far as their eyes can see. They seem to be floating on the stuff. One of them takes a step forward and feels a sharp object under his bare foot. He recoils and accidentally steps on another nearly invisible small object.
“Stop moving!” A small voice, high pitched and whiny, yells in the giant souls ear. He turns to look and sees a blurry dot floating directly in front of his eyes. Leaning back, the human soul’s eyes widen as an archangel in full golden armor comes into focus, barely as tall as a penny is wide.
“Nobody move! You have just crushed the volunteer marching band and the churro stand. Do not move a muscle.”
All six of the human souls freeze in place, this whole fiasco beginning to worry each of them significantly. One raises a hand nervously in the air. There is a barely audible high pitched buzz. The humans look at each other, shrug, and then the woman with the question takes it as an affirmative to ask.
“Um, why is everything so, uh, small?”
A barely visible dot flies up to her face, brushing past her cheek and up to her ear where it speaks. “Engineering error, don’t worry yourself over it, we have worked out a solution.”
Blue arcs of electricity and plumes of heavenly vapors begin to spontaneously appear and coalesce in mid air. The tiny buzzing angel yells loudly over the growing noise, “Try not to breath!” And then flies off at full speed.
The six humans stare at each other, frightened out of their minds, as the lightning suffuses with their non-corporeal forms. One of them can’t help it and takes a large startled breath just as their is a giant flash of light.
The woman who asked the question opens her eyes and looks around in astonishment. There is the recuperating marching band, the crushed churro stand, an information center, and a quarter mile away the astounding beauty and majestic size of the pearly gates. St.Peter can be seen on the other side waving happily. The lady soul turns to the other humans beside her and looses an involuntary blood curdling scream.
Four of her companions look normal , and are now the proper size for heaven. The last is small now also – small and made completely of wet eyeballs arranged in a roughly human form.
The archangel, now towering over them, flies over in a great gust of flapping wings and sucks his front teeth, looking over the horrifying bipedal sack of eyes with vague annoyance.
“Jesus, I told you not to breath. Anyway, welcome to heaven I guess. Try to move it along, we have another batch coming in five minutes.”
The five humans and one eyeball person hesitantly start toward heaven proper as the marching band pulls itself together, and the churro stand magically rebuilds itself, board by tired board.
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