Calling XOLOTL

I lay in a field. The grass tickles my ears, scratches at the back of my neck and the skin of my forearms. Small invisible bugs squirm across me on their way to more important places, more interesting bug business.

I’ve resigned myself to starve here in the grass. Or, at least, not to move until something absolutely compelling comes along.

My brother is dead. I feel compelled to remind myself. He was an ass and a bastard, but he was my brother. That leaves, officially now, nobody. No one else on the face of the Earth – not a single person in the great horde of humanity – knows my real name.

So, the hell with it all. Why get up? Why continue under false pretenses. I’m done.

I’ve been laying here in the grass since sundown, looking up at the stars, trying to take solace in their enormity, in my relative tinyness. It isn’t working.

Toward the East, I see it. A slow moving bright speck of light trailing a streak of diffuse particles from the other side of the solar system.

The comet had been in the news for weeks. A “close call” as NASA put it, but ultimately harmless. It would not impact with the Earth, missing us by the space equivalent of a hairs breadth. Instead it would continue on its journey, out into the stars.

I eyed the sky traveler ruefully and muttered. “Wish I could come along.”

“WISH I COULD STAY.”

The words were not a sound, not a voice, certainly not loud – not in the conventional sense. The idea of the words came first, from inside of my head, but not from me. Then came supremely clear understanding. It was startling, but not external from myself. There was nothing to recoil from, only an internal dread.

I really, really hesitated to answer. It seemed like a bad idea no matter how I cut it. But then I remembered my vow to off myself ASAP, and figured this was about as compelling a circumstance as I could ask for. So I spoke.

“Hello?”

Again a tone of meaning followed almost immediately by internally translated understanding.

“HELLO.”

I’m not a psychologist, but this seemed like a pretty straight forward stress induced delusion. I was pretty sure those were a thing. Anyway, what did I have to lose?

“So you’re the comet then?”

“IN A SENSE.”

I waited for clarification. It didn’t come. “In a sense?”

“I AM DELIMITED BY THE BOUNDS OF THE COMET. BUT I AM NOT A COMET.”

That was helpful. “So what are you?”

“I AM XOLOTL.”

Also super helpful. I took a moment to marvel at the ingenuity of our unconscious mind and our fundamental inability to truly know ourselves.

“Well. Pleasure to meet you dude.”

“YOU WISH TO LEAVE THIS PLACE?”

I considered my answer. I did hate it here I guess. But I’m not sure flying with this sentient comet was much better. Then I remembered this was a psychotic delusion and decided to play ball. “Sure Xolotl, I’m ready to dip.”

“YOUR EXIT CAN BE SECURED. YOU NEED ONLY SACRIFICE.”

Cryptic. “Sacrifice what bud?”

“FEALTY. FEALTY TO XOLOTL.”

I couldn’t help but look around the empty field to see if anyone else was hearing this shit. “What, like swear my loyalty to Mr. Comet?”

“TO XOLOTL.”

“Right, to Xolotl. I just swear loyalty to you, and then, what happens?”

“I WILL RELEASE YOU FROM YOUR PRISON.”

“Yeah? And how’s that work?”

“I SPEAK. YOU HEAR. YOU ARE THE HARBINGER. THE FIRST IN MILLENIA.”

I gave the comet a look disbelief. “That doesn’t explain… well, anything really. I gotta say, you’re light on details. What’s in it for me exactly? Space travel by comet?”

“IT IS THE FATE OF EACH HARBINGER TO STAND BESIDE ME AT THE HARVEST OF SOULS.”

This line made me laugh out loud. “Ah, got it. So what do I need to do then? Any particular words or secret pass phrase or something?”

“SWEAR FEALTY TO ME AND IT SHALL BEGIN.”

I have to say here, writing this in retrospect, you really can’t imagine how completely I believed I had lost my mind. I mean, what the fuck else was I supposed to believe? Just, try to keep that in mind when you consider what I said next.

“OK. Sure thing pal. I swear fealty to Xolotl.” I waited for some kind of response. But none came. “You still there?” Nothing.

I looked up at the comet and it looked exactly the same. Nothing had changed. Psychotic break over I guessed.

I ended up going home and falling asleep, after several shots of whisky, while watching I Love Lucy.

There’s no point boring you with what you know has already happened. Unless you’ve been hiding on another planet for the last six months.

I think the best thing, the most dramatic thing, for those of you who somehow don’t know where this story is going, is to play you a recording of the emergency news broadcast that woke me up several hours later.

Again, I’m really sorry about all this. But I’ve been told it won’t last forever, and we’ll all be better off in the long run – like, as a species or something.

Anyway…

Breaking news from NASA, confirmed by several other global space agencies… Jesus Christ… I… I’m sorry… the comet 4×21-B has experienced a course change. It is now on a collision course with the planet Earth and will arrive within… oh Jesus, I need to get my kids…

WE’LL BE BACK SHORTLY

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