[Writing Prompt] Magic spells work like programming code. You work for an agency that collects glitched spells. You’re on the case of the wizard Bethesda.
Inspector Casper, Private Eye
One of the necklaces on my desk was real, the other was fake
I had squeezed the felonious wizard who made them until he told me which was which. Then I forgot to mark the boxes. Now I was at risk of giving the owner back a fake instead of the real thing.
While conducting a keen examination of these two pieces of jewelry, a dame floats into my office.
That isn’t a metaphor. She literally floated in through the wall.
“Inspector Casper!” She yelled, loud. I recoiled and went for my wand, grabbed my telephone by accident, and leaned too far back in my chair. It tipped over, I slammed the back of my head into the Parquet, tore my phone off my desk, and knocked the two jewelry boxes to the floor.
Laying there, stars in my eyes, I said the first thing that came to mind.
“Ow.”
Intent on giving me a heart attack, the floating vixen went right through my desk, pivoted so she was parallel to the ground, and hovered right above my face. I should have been able to feel her breath on my lips as she spoke, but I didn’t.
“Inspector Casper,” she said, yelling right into my face, “I need your help!”
I blinked a few times and found it did nothing to clear the spots out of my vision. Then, for lack of a better plan, I blinked some more.
“Honey, you sure know how to make an entrance.” I blew on her face like it was a lit candle. “Personal space, sweetheart.” She got the message and floated away.
My head ached. I picked myself up, picked my chair up, picked my phone up, picked the boxes up, put them back on my desk, and sat back down. Then I took out a menthol cigarette, stuck it in my mouth, and touched the tip of my wand to the end. It lit into an ember and I took a deep drag. The ache in my head began to subside.
“OK, sweetheart, you said something about a case?” I gestured to a chair, regretted it, and then pretended I hadn’t gestured in the first place. I took another drag.
The ghost woman started crying. “Oh Inspector, it’s terrible! Look what they’ve done to me!”
I gave her the once-over, “Who has done what to you?”
I already knew. I’d seen this sort of thing before. I just needed to hear her say it.
“Bethesda!” She yelled the name as if the cameras were rolling and this was her closeup. “Bethesda.” She said it again, this time as if the first shot hadn’t gone well and the director told her ‘not bad honey, but put a little less sauce on that ham.’
“Bethesda,” I repeated. Of course, it was Bethesda, these days it was always Bethesda. I read this gal like a book. If I had to guess I’d say a levitation spell glitched to be permanent, combined with an illegal no-clip glitch. Heavy stuff. Serious magic.
“What happened?” I leaned back in my chair, misjudged, almost toppled backward again, righted myself, and took a heavy tug on my cig to compensate. “Start from the beginning.”
The dame settled down as best she could. Her best wasn’t great. As she told the story she tended to float in a disorienting way, here and there. I closed my eyes.
“A few days ago,” she began, “I was walking down the street when a gentleman approached and offered me money in exchange for a favor. Normally I wouldn’t even consider such an offer, but this gentlemen,” she cleared her throat, “made it very worthwhile.”
I interrupted, “Well dressed? Offered cash? Large bills?”
She blinked. “Yes. Yes, how did you…?”
I took in some smoke, tried to say “trade secrets, go on”, coughed intensely, and instead waved her on with my hand.
She continued, “he said all I needed to do was accept an enchantment from two scrolls he would provide. That was all. He said they would be temporary and give me,” she scowled, “‘extraordinary’ power. He said he just needed a final test. He offered, as I said, a great deal of money.”
I’d heard it all before, it was Bethesda’s M.O. “So you read the scrolls, he leaves you high and dry, and you get to live your life as a ghost, have I got this right?”
She began to cry. “Yes. That’s right – the scoundrel tricked me. I couldn’t even touch the money after this.” She made an all-inclusive gesture toward herself. “I haven’t eaten in two days, Inspector Casper. If I don’t fix this soon,” she paused dramatically and looked out the window, which itself looked out onto a brick wall. “I’m afraid I shall die.”
Then she turned back to me and had tears in her eyes. When they fell they passed right through the floor down to who knows where. The center of the Earth I guess. “Will you take my case, Inspector?”
I stubbed my cigarette out in my ashtray and sat up straight. “What’s your name sweetheart?”
She sniffed and wiped fruitlessly at her eyes, her hand passing right through her face. “Dolsy, Dolsy Landrau.”
Weird name. “Well, Ms. Landrau, I’ll tell you what. I’ll take your case, but on one condition.”
Dolsy smiled nervously. “Oh, anything Inspector, anything at all.”
I opened the two boxes and spun them around so Dolsy could see the necklaces inside.
“Which one of these looks real to you?”
She leaned in real close and peered at them both. Finally, she said, “they both look the same.”
I sucked my teeth. “They do, don’t they?” Then I picked one at random, stuck it in my desk drawer, and tossed the other in the garbage pale.
That case solved, I stood up and holstered my wand.
“Ms. Landrau, I’ll take the case.”
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