Like A Good Neighbor
[Writing Prompt] Something about the State Farm guy being an actual superhero.
Cold wind cut through Kim’s jacket, freezing her to the bone. Her teeth chattered relentlessly. When she’d left the house that morning it was nearly 60 degrees. Now she looked absurd walking through the New York City tundra in a spring jacket and a skirt
Home was only a few more blocks away. It was late, so late it was almost early. The 7 train wasn’t running in either direction and Kim’s phone was dead.
As she walked down the empty street toward her block, fighting through the wind, she saw something up ahead, at the next corner. It was just a sliver of a glimpse, peeking around at her from behind the wall of the corner building – the top of a bald, wrinkled head and a single, browless eye.
Kim’s heart fluttered at the fleeting vision, but then it was gone, a grotesque trick of the light. Instinct told her not to stop moving, and, when she walked past the corner building and looked down the side street, there was nothing there.
Shaken, Kim picked up the pace, racing home as quickly as she could without running in her heels. They clomped loudly on the pavement as she moved, until she stopped cold.
In front of her, body mostly obscured behind a green mail box, the same horrible interloper stood and watched. Its face was visible now in its entirety, a mess of wrinkles, but not the sort which come from old age. These wrinkles were thick, wet rolls of flesh, like what happens to your fingers when you take a long bath, but blown up and made into a face, complete with two melted eyes, no nose, and a crooked mouth that reached up too far only on the left side.
The creature just stood behind the mailbox, totally still, its lazy, dead eyelids hanging loosely over its reptilian eyes. In the intense cold, the creature’s breath came out in giant steam pipe plumes.
Kim couldn’t make herself look away. She could see the same green, drowned skin of the creatures awful feet poking out beneath the mailbox. Whatever it was, it was not of this world, and it stared at Kim with an animal hunger.
Finally, Kim came to her senses and spun around to run away – and there it was, right dead in front of her, the locomotive billow of its hot, rank breath enveloping Kim’s face. The monster was completely naked but lacked any genitalia at all. Its limbs and torso
Kim wanted to scream, but the sound just wouldn’t come out. She stood there in front of the demon for what felt like an eternity before singing the only, inexplicable words her vocal chords could come up with.
“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!”
Kim and the monster just stood there in silence afterward, the verbal afterglow of Kim’s assinine final words lingering in the air ridiculously. Kim prepared to die.
A crackling sound began to emanate from the creature’s sideways,
That hell spawn really laughed it up – even going so far as to make fun of Kim by pretending to cower while repeating the state farm tune – albeit in with hellish grunting.
Eventually, after a minute of intensely disturbing demon laughter, the cackling began to die down. The demon wiped away a few pure black tears from his right eye, the only one with a functional tear duct and, leaning forward to get on with Kim’s evisceration, was immediately hit by a six axle truck, and slammed into pulp between the grill and a solid brick wall.
Kim couldn’t move. Her adrenaline was racing like mad. Slowly, she came to her senses and tried to assess her situation.
The front of the truck was embedded into the brick wall of the local pharmacy. To Kim’s amazement, the side of the truck bore the red State Farm logo. She ran over to see if the driver was OK. He was stepping out of the cab, looking dazed, wearing a State Farm uniform.
Half an hour later, both of them were sitting in an ambulance being treated by EMTs, and Kim was giving her story to a police officer.
“And that’s when I sang the State Farm tag line, you know, the jingle? ‘Like a good neighbor state farm is there.’ And then, next thing I know, bam, the truck hit the monster and saves my life.”
The cop looked at Kim dubiously. “Mam, we didn’t find any monster remains in the wreck.”
The state farm driver chimed in. “I’m sorry Madam, but I’m afraid I just spun out on some black ice and crashed. It’s a miracle I didn’t hurt anyone.”
Kim didn’t know what to say. No monster, just an accident. Of course, logically it all made more sense, but then what had she experienced?
The cop left, and the EMTs released Kim on the scene. But they took the State Farm driver to the hospital for treatment.
Right before they shut the doors of the ambulance to drive him off, Kim stepped up and stuck her head inside. “Hey,” she said, “I know it was just an accident, and I know it sounds weird, but you saved my life tonight, really.”
The State Farm driver gave Kim a kind, knowing smile. “Don’t mention it.”
The EMTs ushered Kim out before she could respond and shut the doors. As the ambulance drove away Kim saw the State Farm man through the small windows give her a big thumbs up.
Kim just watched him drive off, smiling ear to ear.
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